SUCK UP TO ME

2006-01-08T09:30:00.000-08:00

helped clean up kens room on saturday. haha, his room is squeaky clean and white right now. haha, thanks to me and auntie elena... i think thats how you spell her name, its ken's housekeeper im talking about..

anyway, he bought a new cupboard for his room, and its coming sometime today(monday)... haha, cant wait to see it and put his clothes in with him.. gonna have dinner at home tmr tho, havnent had dinner there in three days! im so happy with ken nowadays, haha. yeap. we moved his bed, and we're gonna start furnishing it slowly, so excited!!! haha, and its not even my room.

hmm, what else? erm, ken might give me his laptop! if he buys a new one, cos its no point in selling his says, since the crack is so huge. anyway, ive lost track of what i wanted to update, lol.. love you babe!!

2006-01-02T10:54:00.000-08:00

i havent blogged in ages. man.. haha, nth much to update. yvonne is back in singapore, but she's going to malaysia for awhile. in fact, she's coming over for dinner tmr, along with her family. i wish ken was coming as well. i always miss him when he's not around.

i've found out some information that i am unsure what to do about. sigh. anyway, a merry christmas, and happy new year to you all, i shall blog again soon. (:

2005-12-24T00:07:00.000-08:00

cooked for ken last night. heehee. as usual he said he enjoyed and loved it. though i know last night was horrid...

tonight im gonna cook smth again. hope he likes it. ah well. things have changed so much. and im not sure how it changed or became like that. yvonne's arriving tonight. haha.. and i think jane too.. lol, two friend back in one day.. unlike some people, who would use excuses to reason out why he/she is stuck alone at home, while the true reason is that he/she has no friends.

2005-12-20T07:44:00.000-08:00

ken has been right all along. the guy is an asshole. telling his mom bullshit just to make himself "clean". well news flash to the mom of the asshole. the asshole is an asshole. doing bad things. lol. wont be surprised if soon he gets caught by the law. and that will be soon. be warned.

anyway, things have been ok. cleared up some shit with shit. hee. yvonne's coming back this saturday, yay. partay all the way. gonna shop. li'l bit anyway.. strapped for cash. hee. and have tonnes of stayovers at friend's places.. woohoooo.. heehee. then i'll have to start looking seriously for a job. as i need the cash. i have Herbalife and all.. but more income is all good. lol

i finally got that off shoulder top. and yvonne said she'd be getting me one as well. i hope. so im happy. now i need more t-shirts, as in tops. that are like able to be worn just pulling over. nothing that requires a jacket in my case. (: and i want boooooots!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and more undies. (: which i better get this week. before my voucher expires.. hee.

anyway. HAPPY HAPPY DAY. heee. alwyas have fun with YOU YOU YOU. always.. (: smile. im always having fun with YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *smile*. and nothing will EVER change. this is a PROVEN fact. (:

2005-12-16T06:43:00.000-08:00

ben's back.. and there was that "great reunion" that i had been looking forward(up until a point anyway, lol, read previous entries to see when i stopped) to. and all i can think is, that was it? seriously, THAT WAS IT? and to top it all off, i aint the first person he met(not counting family la). -_- to put it more specifically, i aint the first GIRL he saw. that he "had feelings for" anyway.. wtf la.. that was it.

anyway. i hate almost all men right now, cept for my gay/bi male friends; i still love you guys. i get abused. in all ways. sigh. doesnt matter la. hmmm.

i hope things would improve, seriously i do. and maybe ben can like. i dunno. DO SMTH. -_- or then again maybe not. all i know is. my saturday tmr is free. and i feel weird abt that.

2005-12-13T03:42:00.000-08:00

heehee, missing my baby... argh. everything's a mess. change of plans, if all goes well, i'll be leaving for australia jan 2007... IF all goes well, as in, if i were to get good grades and all. else it'll be july 2008? yeap yeap. so i dunno. dont think i should be in any seriouse relationships and shit.

hmmm, gonna have lunch with my family on my birthday, which means night time's free, shall plan only when tehy come back. IF SHE is coming back that is. -_- hehe. what shall i do for my birthday? hehe.. most prob stayover at a freind's place? *wink*

sigh, feel like going to a themepark. should i? haha. GENTING HIGHLANDS or smth.. but who to go with? *sob* no one go with me. ): i shall have to settle for ESCAPE THEMEPARK -_- what the hell right??!! right!?!?

ben's coming back on friday. *PANIC* ahh. hee. grr. -_-

i must go shopping soon. and buy a off-shoulder top. i have been dying to get one for ages already! sigh. i shall get one soon. (: i have the coolest boyfriend(one of them anyway *heh*) COOL is his name, and i cant stand it! haha.. UR COOL MAN!

2005-12-11T08:11:00.000-08:00

when's the next STAYOVER dammit? im in withdrawal!! HELP me please! hee. i mean, the one we had was kinda cut short man! or woman! damn damn damn. hmmm... techno. yes yes. thats whats next yes? or same again? up to yoooOoOOooOu at this moment. ANYTHING.

ah. 5 more days. shit shit. then agian, i sincerely doubt we'll even MEET. so, oh well. hee. argh! i cant take it. 13 more days till my babes return. AHH! hurry up u stupid bitches!! we'll have a helluva time yesh yesh? hahaha.. yay. (: MY BABES AND I ARE GONNA ROCK SINGAPORE. OMG THAT SOUNDED SO CHEESEY. HEE.

cook cook cook. thats what i shall do. hee. gonna make choc fudge cookies, AND choc fudge brownies again.. and give to people for x'mas.. cept i have to find a good microwave/convec oven. damn. i think i shall find that pretty quick, *gulp* i hope. HEE.

2005-12-10T12:54:00.000-08:00

stayed over at janine's last night, went out with her and her bro, janen, the night before.. for supper and all.. but she fell sick halfway and had to go home, partly cos it was closing anyway.. but, ah well. -_-...

heehee, we can always do it another time.. just dont do anything stupid again.. hee. ok. im bored.. using ken's laptop to type. and i am bored, cos the stupid bugger has gone and left me alone.. he went to do something...

omg, omg, omg, 6 days till ben comes back... crap. lol. so confusing la, all this shit. hee. hee. hee. heh. heh. heh. i dont even know whadda do abt it. not that theres anything to do anyway.. i mean.., i hardly think there any feelings left at this point. or maybe there was none to begin with? maybe some ppl were right in saying stuff like, well, stuff that i wouldnt wanna blog down? aye, i'll just wait and see when he comes back. ah well. cya soon babe.

sigh, kinda sad that tmr is off. i mean, was kinda looking forward to it. too bad.. we'll do it another day.. i mean, is it ok? for another day? just tell me yeh. thanks. anyway. whatever is what im feeling at the moment. so i shall leave. btw, i just gotta say, that i have a real bitchy friend. and i almost hate her. hee.

ohoh, and I LOVE JANINE, havent done THAT in a while. hee.

2005-12-07T08:09:00.000-08:00

i just realised how bitchy one of my friends are. i mean, she's like the kind who wld do thing to make situations go her way. i almost hate her. i almost do.

anyway. dinner was fine.. they enjoyed it, and i enjoyed cooking it.. i think i will cook pad thai and teriyaki chicken? heehee.. and for that day.. i'll surprise u guys aiight? i dunno what to cook anymore...

so, pad thai, tmr, anyone?

2005-12-06T09:47:00.000-08:00

hmm, how does this sound?

Soup:
Chunky Cheese Soup

Side Dish:
Cream Cheese Ranch Mash(potatoes)

Main Dish:
Chicken Breasts Stuffed with Crabmeat

Dessert
Peanut Butter Cups or Fluted Kiss Cups with Peanut Butter Filling

well? Sounds yummy i hope.. haha.. so tell me soon yeh? all ur answers.. haha.. cant wait.. im cooking dinner wed night(tonight) trying out one of the recipes above, and Grilled Scallops in some buttery lemony sauce. i hope it turns out good. it better. scallops are so expensive. sheesh. ken's coming over for dinner again, yay, he can try my cooking again. i made sloppy joes for him the other day.. and he said he loved it.. *smiles and blushes* sigh, he's so sweet. haha. going grocery shopping with my sis and perhaps ken.. haha.. hope i find all the things i need.

ben's coming back to spore in 9 days. hmm, we broke up, even though i dont think u can count it as a breakup, seeing that we weren't even "TOGETHER", so yea. anyway, he's coming back, and we're supposedly gonna "see how things go" -_- im not even sure how to feel abt that. i mean, half the time i think he doesnt give a flying f***, and the other half i relaise that he's not even proud? to have a girlfriend. ok, maybe not proud, more like, ready to have a girlfriend. i dont know. i mean. i dont even know a thing abt him. sigh.

hmm, gonna try cooking teriyaki chicken for ruth, pad thai for myself, and now i have to find smth to cook for auntue rea. and smth extravagant for ken. and tonnes of desserts for daddy. and oriental stuff for mom. heehee. i love cooking. i think as much as i love/d dancing. before i had to give it up.

*toodles*!

2005-12-03T23:46:00.000-08:00

as usual nth much has been happening. i got badly sunburnt on tues, and have not been able to move from my bed since then. i mean its been excruciating! and darling ken has been so sweet, bringing my fav. foods everyday for lunch.. for himself to of cos.. lol. kung pao chicken is awesome btw... and he's been nursing me back to health, bringing me ointments and all.. HEHE.. how sweet right?

he's been real real nice *smile*.. lol.. anyway, ben's coming back in two weeks.. time does pass really fast. i mean, just like that, two months have passed.. cool huh? right. erm. ok. thats that..

what else? smth's coming up real soon.. lotsa things gonna happen. YAY. excited sia... i mean.. woohoo right eve? cheryl? kenneth? HAHAHHAA.. OH HAPPY DAY!!!

2005-11-28T01:48:00.000-08:00

19 days more to go. omg, time does pass by very fast. i mean, time is already in the "teens" as to when he's coming back. whoa. made some new "contacts" today, for herbalife. i think im gonna start helping ken sell. and maybe get a slight percentage of what he gets, like if i introduce some ppl and shit. at least it'll get me a li'l cash.

anyway, i just realised that cab drivers are a really good target. i mean, all they do is drive, so im sure they get real bored. so i(or ken) can actually start talking abt herbalife to them, and they usually are quite responsive.. so ken can always give his namecard, and voila, future sales may be made. heehee. well, at least thats what happened today. (:

speaking of what happened today; went for fellowship sunday(heehee -_-) then met eve, shermaine and ken for lunch, talked to them abt herbalife, and sold them the products. i hope it works. i mean, i know it will, but theres always that small chance that it might not. yesyes, Rachael the pessimist. but yah, i hope it works, so that they'll be happy, our products prove that they work, and we can get testimonies! haha. and it'll be so good.

but anyway, we then went shopping, but only to a few places. went to topshop first, where sher and i bought knickers(i was in desperate need of new ones. u shld see the "old" ones), i also bought a ring, its v. pretty. *smile* then we proceeded to warehouse, where NOTHING caught our eyes, except this skirt, which was some sort of dark-ish purple, with designs on the hem, like with shiny stuff, but they said it was overpriced, and not worth it, for a skirt like that, so obviously i din get it. haha. then we went to SaSa, cos sher wanted to get like makeup and stuff, and i got this heating curler.. which actually works. haha, but it doesnt last super long though, and i got another tube of mascara as mine was running out.

our final(not really) destination to "shop" was at Esprit Red Earth. to check out the blush pot that i was and am gonna sell to eve. at a cheaper price of cos. all she needs now is a blush brush. we saw this she man there. wow. s/he was pretty! and s/he had a really good body, and me, being a real female, couldnt help but feel a twinge of jealousy! i mean, wtf! but s/he was a damn nice person, and s/he taught me how to put eyeshadow, i still dont know how tho. grr.

we thenm decided to get manicures done, but we wanted to go to Far East as it was cheaper. so we WALKED ALL THE WAY THERE, so tiring can? and we wasted all that effort, cos it was all closed! so shit right? then we went to pac plaza to see if they had. what a waste of time and walking effort again, as it was all closed as well. how shit cld that day get? finally. we walked back to Esprit, and got in done there. WE WENT BACK TO THE PLACE WE STARTED. WTF! sigh.. and whats worse is that they cld only do like two ppl, as there was lack of staff and shit. so i didnt even get to have mine done. ): so sad. sob. BUT OH WELL. thats abt all that happened today.

gonna go play tennis with ken ken tmr. hopefully it doesnt rain, and i can "sun tan".. haha.. sigh.. then i think thats abt it.. lol. ciaoZ...

gonna go sleep now. YAWN.

2005-11-27T02:39:00.000-08:00

J.G. upped the pay and asked me to join them, but i still declined, the working hours there are so shitted. sigh, so i am now jobless. and i need cash to get by. i think i shall help ken sell his stuff. can get cash, and on top of that, i shall get one of those roadshow thingy jobs, provided i can find one.. lol

sigh.. 20 days till the return of ben. still no clue how i feel abt that. i mean, yehh, i cant wait, but still it seems that i can, i mean, with his coming, means its closer to the end of the year, and that i have less time to work, and earn money to get by, and perhaps survive for the next year. i'll have less time to lose weight to keep ben happy, and myself happy as well. less time to party and have fun, to go out and just hang with friends.. to chill and enjoy the year that i am 17(16 to exact). just so li'l time. and ben's return just seems to be marking the end of it all.

anyway. i dunno why im so stressed nowadays, and i always seem to be flaring up at kenken.. im sorry ok? i dont mean to flare up that often, i dont know why im just like that.. its the stress ok? of changing school, being cash tight, having to hear abt my parents and the money problems, and how they have to double up they're work to survive this crisis. stress stress stress..

i hate being so stressed and confused, and then realising that no one understands. (cliche i know, but just bear with me.. cos it IS true that no one understands). ah well. one day, i will find my soulamate, the one who understands me completely, and can blend into my soul, and me into his harmoniously... lol.. how corny can that sound.. ah well.. anyway.. soulmate, oh, soulmate, whoever art thou, pls come and find me, i am waiting for thee..

hai~

2005-11-25T19:55:00.000-08:00

Kelly Services got back to me to say that i didnt get the job, then they called again to say that i got the job cos the other person who got hired didnt want it in the end. i dont think i'll take it, its too long in hours, and the pay is so bad. so i am currently looking for a job that has not too many working days, but i can work like one whole day in a day(understand?). like less days for working, but i can work long hours. im thinking 4 days per week for working. in fact, im even looking at waitressing again.

SO YES, people, pls do help me keep a lookout for jobs in sales a.k.a. retail, and waitressing. HELP ME PLEASE. counter sales would also be nice. depending.

argh. what am i gonna do. i need a job, but i cant have one thats too taxing/texing? sigh sigh sigh. i have to keep looking. shit shit shit. i wanna faint already. furthermore i have other responsibilities and things to see to, how am i to cope? argh. i cant stand this. sigh, i hope everything turns out fine, and i get a job thats suitable for me, and my needs.

help me oh Lord.

help help help

2005-11-25T12:54:00.000-08:00

J.G hasnt given Kelly Services an answer, i dont think i'll get the job. hai~. at this moment, i dont even think i WANT that job, or any job for that matter, feel like helping ken sell HerbaLife, goodness knows im better at it than him already, haha, got some customers FOR him already.. lol... should get paid sia.

ruth wants me to blog about her. hello mei. how are u today? M*****! hahaha... -_-. kaysh, that was VERY immature of me, but then again, who the hell knows what im talking abt anyway.. (:

im bored right now, and no one interesting is online. should i go and meet der and matt? *contemplates*.. arghhh.

2005-11-24T21:02:00.000-08:00

i havent updated in ages, i know. lol. but then again, there hasnt been much to update about. i've quit schooling at temasek poly, and am gonna start studying at TMC Academy on Jan 3rd. Prolly gonna get a job from now till then, and am hoping that i get accepted for the one at Jewels Galleria, even though the working hours there suck.

i wanna thank Ken for all that he's done for me.. thanks so much babe! i'll never ever stop feeling this gratitude towards u! (: ehm. yeaps..

i learnt smth new abt matt. thanks alot for not telling me earlier. -_- shows how much trust u have in me. *HUMPH*. alrighty then. what else?

ben's coming home soon. on 16 Dec to be exact.. its getting closer and closer and closer. yvonne's coming to spore soon too, and jane.. they're both coming back on the same day. 24 Dec. lucky me, if i get the job at Jewels Galleria(J.G), these SHOULD be my off days, so i can go pick them up. (:

dammit, i need cash. so if anyone can find me a job, that pays $1300 for the month, as i can only work for the month of dec, pls do help. $1300 would be for like max. 10 hour shifts.. if the working hours are less, obviously the pay should be less. (:

i think thats all i have to say.. cant think of anything else. sigh.

LALALA

2005-11-09T21:38:00.000-08:00

You're an Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantityYou've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks offAnd you're adaptable, giving each partner what they craveWhen it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

Hee. i KNOW im a good kisser. LOL. tonnes of ppl can tell u that.(ok, well, not TONS, but ah well...)

On Average, You Would Sell Out For

$1,062,105

At What Price Would You Sell Out?

so little? really meh? i think should be higher.

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a firestorm - full of intensity and drama.Your thoughts may seem scattered to you most of the time...But they often seem strong and passionate to those around you.You are a natural influencer. The thoughts you share are very powerful and persuading.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

im FIESTY.. so stay outta my brain! MUAHAHAHA.

Your Kissing Purity Score: 60% Pure

For you, kissing isn't a casual thing
Lip to lip action makes your heart sing

Kissing Purity Test

hee. at least i know i aint a virgin kisser(for you stupid ppl it means i have had a first kiss, and am not like inexperienced at kissing). -_-

You Are a Daisy

You see the world with an artist's eye.Finding beauty is easy for you - even in the dullest of moments.You notice all of the colors of the world, from fresh grass to sunsets.You are a total optimist and hedonist. You love to drink life in.

What Flower Are You?

NOT TRUE. well.. part of it is..but not ALL of it..

You Are a Bad Girl

You are 30% Good and 70% BadYou're a total bad girl, from your wild hair to tattooed toes.But you're too badass to even care if you're labeled "bad"!

Are You a Good Girl or a Bad Girl?

HAHAHA... SOOOOOOO true. so so so true it aint even funny.

Your Vibe is Super Sexy

You feel 100% sexy at almost any momentAnd this inner sexiness really does boost your appealYou're confident, playful, and outgoingYou know what you have to offer - and you're proud of it!

How Sexy Is Your Vibe?

sooo not true.. I AM NOT SEXAY, and have never felt that way about myself.

woot.. so many quizzes i have done! lol.. kaysh.

funky shit

2005-11-06T21:21:00.000-08:00

kays. sch starts tmr. i can so wait la. shit.. i dont WANT sch to start.. its so draggy and boring and there so much stress and all. crap. ken just left for myanmar.. sorta miss him.. heehee.. ah well.. he'll be back soon... its nice knowing that he's my friend.

everything should be ok now i think, as in with ben... at least i was honest, i can say that much abt myself. i have no clue what gg on in his mind.. even tho he says everythings ok... and im just afraid thats he'd do smth to spite me. like take revenge or smth. and try to hurt me. heck knows whats gg on there.. what he cld be doing, etc... sigh.. i shudder to think at e possibilities...

...

2005-11-05T17:54:00.000-08:00

i'm so sorry. im so so sorry. but there's nothing else i can do. there's really nothing else left for me to do. and i won't lie, i can't, not to you. i'm sorry. and that's all i can say.

wah lao

2005-10-30T20:59:00.000-08:00

i hate myself. i really hate myself. i think im ugly, fat and disgusting. ARGH. i hate myself. i hate myself i hate myself. I HATE MYSELF.

SUNDAY MORNING.

2005-10-30T03:36:00.000-08:00

ive gtg church later.. i hope i can wake up, if i fall asleep.. i think i might even haf to wash my hair.. ahhhhhh.. anyway..

i wish, i just wish, that i cld somehow find someone that wouldnt leave. i realised that all e boyfriends i've had always leave singapore, they return in e end.. but they always leave e country. why is this? why cant i have a decent bf who stays in singapore? lives in singapore, studies in singapore, works in sngapore, plays in singapore, grew up in singapore?

SIGH SIGH SIGH.. i am doomed to live an abnormal life. i know i am.

SIGH.

2005-10-28T03:33:00.000-07:00

its as if nothing even happened. lyk wth. wth lah ok.. im so confused by YOU la.. wtf is wrong wif u.. are u like stupid, lousy, crazy and bored or smth? no babe.. it aint u ben. (:.. anyway..

been v. happee these few days.. well, two and a half days... ben has been CALLING ME.. haha.. yay... *leap up in joy* sigh.. and the best thing is that we can talk for "as long as we want".. cos its sooo much cheaper if he calls me.. note the inverted commas, cos this stupid boi has to get his beauty sleep of cos so we cant talk for too long.. after all, he does haf sch..

anywaysh.. im still trying to sort things out in my life.. its all so messy.. n i dono wat to do half e tym.. crapperx... sheeshx. arghhzx.. someone help me.... i need smth new.. smth more.. smth else.

school's starting soon. and im dreading it. i lyk my freedom. and i dont lyk school. smtimes.. i wish i cld just run.. and disappear somewhere else. (who hasnt felt that b4 huh?) sighx.... am still looking for a job... dono if i can get one.. have a few people looking out for me... need e cash desperately.. HEEX...

anywaysh, signing off now. BYE.

On this note....

2005-10-26T18:19:00.000-07:00

its so painful to fall in love, and not be loved in return the way you wanna be loved. i suppose all of us have that "perfect someone" that they wanna be with. and likewise, i have that "perfect someone". its odd how u can fall in love with the wrong-est person, or that someone who doesnt see u as anything more than a friend.. im sure all of u reading this know what the heck im talking abt.

knowing u has been painful, wonderful, funny, amazing, and heart breaking. the way i have to be when im around u makes it so much more difficult. but i guess this is how its gotta be for e rest of our lives, cos theres no way to change things. one day i will tell you, one day, when im over you, i'll have e courage to speak up. but for now, i shall suffer in my silence.

i guess im just destined to nvr have you. to nvr know u in that deep way that i know my ex-es and boyfriend. i wish God would just give us a chance, but i guess its not to be.. but anyway... i just had to write this down.

im sure all u bloody idiots are dying to know who the heck im talking about.. haha.. but you shall nvr know or find out. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. nvr ever find out

erm.. before i go, i must say that i love ben.. and i miss him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha.. (:

HE CARES

2005-10-26T11:10:00.000-07:00

ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my babeh cares!!!!!!!!! yippeeeee... he CALLED ME.. haha. im so happy rite now.. lol.... and he's like apparently "SUFFERING" for me.. heeheeheeheehee... kaysh, im super hyper.. cosh im super happee.. i cant help it.. lalalalalalala... im HAPPEEEEEEEEE.....

HE CALLED HE CALLED HE CALLED... and its a bomb tooooooooo.............................................. he's totally trying....!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i LURVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! muacks muacks muacks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

kaysh, its lyk super early rite now... damn tired sia... *yawn*.. baby woke me up.. as in my human baby.. as in ben. not my dog. -_-" heehee.. but im super happee to have THAT kinda wake up call... actually, i thot it was G... cos yehh, he's been an irritating asshole... but then i thot, it's his working tym.. LOL.. so i picked up (and i dont usually pick up, cos i cbf).. and i head HIS voice.. super elated sia.. hahahahaha.... heh heh.. yesh.. im hyper and happeee. what a great combi. ooh.. im hungry too.. who e hell ask someone to wake me up so early sia???? (but im happy he did)

anywaysh.....

he's coming online soooooooooon.. HURRY UP BABE....

LOVE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!!!!!!!

MUACKZZXXZZXX!

one day past.

2005-10-26T02:15:00.000-07:00

kaysh, after the rain had stopped, we went the esplanade to check out the store.. left our name and contact no., but i sincerely doubt that we'd get it, ah well. there'll be other places. anyway.. after that.. we just walked ard, and ended up doing nothing.. then we met shawn shawn.... for awhile anyway.. and the STRANGEST THING happened. i shan't blog about it.. cos its just to frikking personal.. HAHAHA....

sigh, we din get to talk today, ben and me.. he didnt call, and didnt appear online. which sucks, ~~cos it seems that he aint even trying. whatever la. sigh... f*** it all....~~

sigh, its all so weird. MATT, its so weird. how how how... sigh. righty-o. i shall go now. am gg out wif my li'l sis tmr.. i think we're gonna go watch a movie.. nth else to do what. donch feel like shopping either.. so yehhhhhh... kaysh... i shall go now............... erm. sigh sigh sigh.

its raining

2005-10-25T15:02:00.000-07:00

ITS RAINING. how shitty is that? when u have smth to do, and is supposed to go out, it frikking rains??!! when u have nth to do, and have to stay at home, its bright and sunny. how f-ed up is THAT? i mean, seriously, what the hell. so todays plans have been postponed. wth wth wth. this is really really shitty.

on a day like this, it would be nice to call ben ben.. but i cant. cos i aint got no more credit... so its up to him to call me. yesh babe, so pls do call me. -_-" oooh, and u know what, as time passes, it gets easier.. is that bad or good? hmmm. ah well.

ITS SUPER SHITTY that its raining. fer crying out loud, i had PLANS for todayy sia! why oh why today? why cldn't it have rained ytd? supposed to go esplanade and check out that store there, and inquire bout that crap. but ah well.. maybe later.. when e rain stops. heehee. anyway. i cant wait for friday, or is it thursday or saturday? erm, one of those days anyways. haha.. yay.. hurry! friday, hurry up! come soon, so i can have fun.

argh. im so pissed of at e rain. so sian sia. wah lao. and i just did my hair to go out k. ( i mean, i BLOW DRIED it, and STRAIGHTENED it, u think dont need time arh?) grr. oh well. and my babe isnt online. wtf. ah well. hurry and get internet connection! i really cant call, there's no way for me to call.. at all. unless... money magically appears in front of me. then maybe i can.. like, if i go out, i pick up money.. let' say $10 or $20? yesh yesh, that wld be nice... heh heh heh...

kaysh.. nothing else to blog.. so i shall take my leave, and eat my cheese sausages. -_-*yum.

no title

2005-10-24T19:30:00.000-07:00

i cant call ben anymore. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. why oh why.. sigh... hope that he can call meeeeee...

school starts in about two weeks. that feeling sucks. specially since i dont have any good friends in school. u just dont get that in poly. super weird, and furthermore, with all the projects u need to do, it would be safer to have such friends.

im gonna get a job, i need the cash. so im looking for something thats slightly more flexible in the timings, cos im not sure when i have classes, add on the dance classes, and its even more confusing. preferably the job that i get this time would be smth to do with sales? ive done waitressing alr, so i dont really want that. but if that (waitressing) is all i can get, then so be it. theres an opening at esplanade, or so i heard, so i'll check that out with my friend.

ive gotta lose weight. especially since so many have told me to. crap. am i really THAT fat, ah well. i just will, in any case. cos i wanna be beautiful. and be looked at as that. its superficial, but who the f-ing cares?

thank you kenneth, for all that uve done for me, specially that day, when we went shopping and lunch.. i had fun talking to you. and uve given me new insights on stuff. i'll think about what you said. but i really dont know who's lying to me, and who's not. u cld be lying, i wldnt know. and honestly, i dont wanna think about anything related to any of my relationships. anyway, i cant wait till ur back, can go out again yehh? haha.

matthew, I WON. or at least i think i have. cos ive lost touch with sec sch. relationships, so i dont know how those kind of relationships work. haha. but i think i won la, there has not been much contact. so shld be i win right? crap, i still think its funny.. till now. k. stop it rae, stop it. and btw matt, he's a liar sia! i'll tell u why when we next talk.. haha.. i hate frikking liars.

i need a new haircut. im sick of this one. and it reminds me to much of G. which is getting super irritating. did i mention that he broke his silent period alr? so fast right. grr. irritating sia. leave me alone. which part of that did u not get? -man, this entry is long-

sigh. i just feel so sian. theres nothing to do ant home, theres nothing to do outside, unless u have loads of cash, which i dont at the moment. argh. argh. why is spore such an expensive place? and why doesnt this island have more things for us to do? this sucks. even school seems not SO bad. i didnt say it was good. just not THAT bad. pretty much nothing else to say at this point, cept, SOMEONE, pls ask me out, pls pls pls, and have smth definite to do. and if any of the things u suggest require money, pls pay for me. thank you!

before i go, i'd just like to say, I LOVE YOU JANINE LEE T.H.

Creepy.

2005-10-19T03:20:00.000-07:00

before i begin, i just have to say, I LOVE YOU, JANINE. LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU. LOL.

hmm, im going out with kenneth tmr, how strange is that? ben got abit weird about it, cant say i blame him. gonna go shopping, and just have a chat and all with him i suppose, he says he's "over" me, i pray to God he is, i want him to be my friend. (yay! going shopping tmr!.. -maybe i can get him to buy me smth- *snorts*) anyways, G has gone down to only one phone call, and one msg, which is a vast improvement. and im happy. soon, i hope there will be NO msgs, and NO phone calls. at this rate, i think we cant even be friends.. oh well. no big loss. (:

things are still "going strong" btw ben and me, i guess u cld say. YES RUTH, u can say we're "together", just dont mention too much to mom and dad yet, they'll start the whole, dont get into a relationship thingy again. i understand what they're saying.. but its not like im marrying him or anything.. ah well. its kinda strange at this moment for me. its like, weird? i was like looking at his photos, and all of a sudden, it was as if he was a complete unknown person to me. as if i didnt know who he was, or that i knew him in a different lifetime. its strange la, thats all, and i wanna know wth had happened for me to feel that way, is it like, im starting to stop liking him? it cant be yehh?? someone tell me?? ahhh, maybe im just tired, and i hope things would be clearer tmr. God, help me, i need to stay clear...

59 days.... and counting down....

the pain, oh the pain

2005-10-18T00:40:00.000-07:00

its getting more and more difficult to stay with my diet.. i mean, i keep wanting to eat. lol. i managed the diet for like about a week? and now, its back to same old. grr.. toughen up rachael! haha.. anyway.............................

im still missing him, and now, he has like no internet connection, so we cant talk online and shit.... sigh... at least i know he's missing me like hell too, haha, thats my only consolation. i think im beginning to trust him, at least the feelin that he's gonna cheat on me is slowly disappearing. grr. haha. its soooooo difficult man. all i can think of doing is screaming. hope u get internet connection SOON!

man, tmr, i gotta stop eating haha, specially since i aint been going to e darn gym. sigh. sigh. sigh. i hate this feeling, and theres still a freaking 60 days to go, bright side is that 6 days have passed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! c'mon, we can do this, its just 2 months!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIA YOU!

Grrr..

2005-10-17T04:01:00.000-07:00

woke up too late to go to church this morning, or shld i say ytd morning? yipee! theres like 61 days left... its slowly counting down. anyway, had lunch with my family at Parkway, had sooo much to eat man, cos i also ate abit with cheryl and her fam, whom i met like after that. then we went to Video EZ to borrow some VCDs, and went back to her hse to watch, where her mom fed us AGAIN. auntie, u rock my sox la..! haha.

watched monster-in-law and cursed, had fun... haha... at least i managed to get my mind of things, and pass time. planning on going sun tanning and swimming with eve and cheryl.. haha.. can hopefully get slightly darker.. 'cept that nowadays, it seems to be raining ALOT! argh. life sucks la. but im thankful i have eve right now.. cos she's been helping me get my mind off things, I LOVE YOU EVE. heehee... *sigh*, i miss ben. AND RUTH, U SHUTTUP LA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (: but i still love you.. haha..

thank you so much dee!!!!!!!!! u have no idea how much what ur doing means to me.. thank you thank you thank you!. we'll find a way to repay u, be sure of that. man, its sooo late. why cant i sleep?? and no one to talk to somemore.. haha... cant wait till halloween, did i mention that? haha.. CHERYL if u actually see this, dont forget kay?? all of them must go.. we be pretty pretty, dress up and GOOOOOOO. and i still think that the fact that ur gonna go to Changi Airport and that shit is f***** up.. LOL. oops.

Anyway, i missssss yooooooooou... aiiiighhhtt?!???!! so yehh. =p haha... ciaoZ. MEOW!

OMG.

2005-10-16T01:18:00.000-07:00

i passed my CSA supp paper. i should be happy, but i feel nothing, im numb. i miss him sooo much, so much it hurts so bad. i really cant take it. i really cant take it.

i wish i hadnt hurt G. im so sorry, maybe i just suck at relationships. pls forgive me one day. anyway, im looking forward to e end of the month, there should be a ton of things to do i hope. i cant wait! :)

there is absitively posolutely nothing to do right now. im just bored out of my wits. church tmr, lunch with fam, then... what? NOTHING, thats what. nothing to do, specially since im more than broke. crap. i miss my dance. ive gotta get back to that life. my life filled with my dance, my salsa. im supposed to be talented, right? so why do i feel so useless when it comes to my dance now? ive gtg back there, ive just got to.

i hate men, all they can do is hurt me, make me confused, make me a bitch, and make me feel so lost, so desolate in this world. sigh.

Waiting...

2005-10-12T19:23:00.000-07:00

kays, so now im just waiting. i bought a headset today, not too bad... so now at least we can have verbal conversations with each other, i hope. was gonna buy a new webcam.. but those things cost like $46.90, and i aint even sure that he would still have one to use when he moves homestay. so i'll ask before i buy.

im wondering, do i seem v. loser-ish and pathetic? just cos i wanna talk to him? and just cos i miss him? im seriously wondering if it would seem desperate that i bought a headset and all.. oh well... like whatever! sigh. im bored. i have nothing to do. maybe thats why i started missing him. sheesh. suck it up rachael!.

i keep rejecting those that ask me out. sigh, i wish i cld just accept, and go out man. well, im kinda broke(as in to buy stuff for fun), so i suppose it all aint cos i just wanna stay home. and wait. or whatever. argh, cbf to blog anymore. ciao.

My First Enrtry

2005-10-12T01:02:00.000-07:00

When did we first meet? : 4th October
When did we first become SOMETHING? : 10th October.

i miss him, he left this morning, but i already miss him. sigh, i wish he cld just hurry up and go online, so we cld talk. its strange how all this started. sigh. i wonder if we can really tahan for like two months, and see how it goes. my fear is that him being in Perth might make his decision sway. i mean, there are tonnes and tonnes of hot gals there, whats to say he wont just succumb? we hardly know each other, and its a big risk for me to take. as in, just to hope and/or wait is a really big risk.

ah well, what can i do? i just have to put my faith in God, and see what he plans for me. i just hope my li'l ol' heart doesnt get too broken. (in the late afternoon)

(cont'd)
Yay! i finally got to talk to him.. and we were able to see each other on webcam. me looking like shit, but he looking so absolutely gooooood.. haha.. he even saw my dad, mom, sis, and perhaps even auntie rea.. oooh, he saw my dog. i better get a better webcam, and a mic, so that we can talk, and he can see me better, i wonder how much those things cost. i should go check...

please oh please make things work out. i just had to hear my mom lecture me about hurrying into another relationship too soon. pls oh pls, just make everything ok. i can wait 2 months, actually, 66 days to be exact. i just hope to God that you can too.

My Previous Two Posts

2005-10-11T19:44:00.000-07:00

Funk and Dunk

Life so sucks right now. Everything is so damned confusing. It's like one problem after another keeps popping up. Am I really becoming one of those girls that are crazy? As in, am i really becoming a "slut" of sorts? Yikes, I pray not...In two weeks, in a mere two weeks, I've managed to completely ruin two realtionships, and hurt two people, that were really nice to me. Sigh, I'm such a bitch! Somebody help me man! Sigh... I've met someone, someone really different, to say the least. With lotsa stamina, haha! Too bad good things always have to come to an end. You would wish that things could stay the same forever!Ah well, SOMEONE has been a very naughty girl lately, sigh, must be more guai now. Haha, I pray I pass CSA!!!!
[October 8]

Body Waves

Maaaaan, my life sucks. Everything, as i have said before, is so screwed up now. wth hell la! mattttttttttttttt!!!! what am i gonna doooo??? im freaked outta my mind!!! sigh sigh. shit la. gotta wait a couple of days b4 i can find out. sigh. this seriously sucks.a friend of mine is leaving on sometime nxt week. dont really know how i feel abt that yet, hope i feel nothing. hee. i just realised a pattern in every relationship i've been in. theres always another girl in e picture. theres always that perfect person i have to "compete" with. and its always the same. she's always, slim, tanned, goes to a pretty good school(JC?), not v. tall, looks like an MGS kinda person, get the picture? its just totally sucks that i cant compete, and im not as "guai" as they are. shit la.arrgghh, why has my life turned upside down over night? why is it that i aint in control of my mind or my given situation? i broke up with kenneth, then i broke up with G, now i have to be forced to be parted with someone we shall call fubu. hah, my life is a living nightmare.dear matt!!! i hope you get things sorted out. i really hope you do. and if things dont turn out the way you want them to, toughen up ya socks k??
[October 9]